My takeaways from “Neurodharma” by Rick Hanson, shared in my own way

“If your mind is like a garden, you can observe it, pull weeds, and plant flowers.”

“The mind is like a pond, whose surface is awareness, and whose depths open into timelessness. Worldly winds blow and stir up thoughts and feelings that ripple across it, but eventually, they settle down and it’s quiet again—and all the while, the pond itself is still

“If your mind is like a garden, you can observe it, pull weeds, and plant flowers.” This is the perfect metaphor to show that we are responsible for our thoughts. We can change them; we are in charge. So, how do you become a gardener?

“There’s a saying that your mind takes shape from what it rests upon.” Our brain takes its shape from what we focus on. It’s just like food and exercise (and that’s why I like this—it makes sense). You are what you eat, and you become what you pay attention to. The author makes a great point: negative feelings stick around forever. Sadness and anger can live in our minds for years, while happiness flashes by in a heartbeat.

So let’s focus more on the positive experiences and make them last longer. As the book says, “Sustain the experience for a breath or more; intensify it; feel it in your body; see what is fresh or novel about it; and/or find what is personally relevant in it.” For example, you meet with a friend—perfect! Be fully there, no phones. Focus on how great it is. Take a picture if you want so you—or Google Photos 😄—can remind you later how awesome it was. Eating amazing food? Great! Make a video review, write about it, or just fully enjoy the moment.

Most importantly, start small. It’s like exercise—you need to build up your regime. At first, it’s hard, but over time, your brain will pick it up and start promoting this kind of thinking. Because, again, your brain is a muscle. Train it.

Another thing I love from this book is the idea of radical acceptance. I’m a Pandora’s box—or in Polish, a kompostownik—but life is easier when you accept who you are. “Acceptance means recognizing that something exists as a fact whether you like it or not, with a feeling of softening and surrendering to this reality. Meanwhile, you can still make efforts to change things for the better.” And again, take it slow. You’re a complex, beautiful creature. “Pick a positive characteristic about yourself, such as a skill or good intention. Explore what it’s like to accept this. Next, pick a neutral characteristic, such as the fact that you are breathing, and accept it. Then pick something you think is mildly negative about yourself and explore accepting it. Gradually raise the challenge level and build the muscle of self-acceptance.”

This process helps us make better everyday choices for ourselves. We get to know what we truly like or dislike because we learn who we are. And that brings me to my third favorite wisdom from this book: “the craving for becoming.” The brain is constantly predicting and imagining what’s next. It’s a cool skill, but it can also trap us. We get stuck in “an imagined future rather than in the present—the only place we can ever feel truly loved and at peace—and it sets us up for disappointment when expectations are unfulfilled.”

How do you deal with this? It’s all about what you focus your mind on. Have perspective. Think about the future, sure, but focus on what you can do now to make it better. Don’t waste time imagining yourself as a Disney princess (which, for the record, I absolutely do NOT support). Instead, live your life as Shrek, Fiona, or even Donkey. Make small changes that improve your life while you’re living it.

And when things feel overwhelming, remember to ask yourself: “Do I need to keep paying attention to this? Do I need to get driven about that? Do I need to be bothered by that person?” Stop giving supporting actors in your life more screen time than they deserve. If something doesn’t work, stop doing it or find an alternative (besides work—work doesn’t count, sorry).

“The mind is like a pond, whose surface is awareness, and whose depths open into timelessness. Worldly winds blow and stir up thoughts and feelings that ripple across it, but eventually, they settle down and it’s quiet again—and all the while, the pond itself is still.”

Back to the garden metaphor—mind is like a garden in Poland, you have 4 seasons, and you make the best out of it 😉 ❤️